Expectation and the Mountain

In preparation for new experiences, our mind often creates mental images of what will occur in our lives. Tyler Leach, a second year mountain guide shares with us a great story of how this played out on his most recent trip.  

The high point of my trip suddenly became the low point. Our group arrived at our campsite, Minnesota Flats, ahead of schedule, which was early enough to fit in a rappel. I had never been able to give my participants a rappel on this route and I knew that these guys would love it! But now, here we were. I had just finished setting up the rappel system and now stood with my exhausted participants before me, scattered across the granite slope looking like beached jellyfish on a hot day. These were not young men ready for a rappelling adventure! More like young men ready for a nap somewhere out of the scorching sun. To say that they no longer seemed excited about the rappel was an abominable understatement.

My co-guide Daniel facilitated the first two participants as I eyed the waiting clump of exhausted jellyfish. My heart sank and my blood pressure rose. Anxiety and disappointment grew until the whole situation seemed unmanageable. I needed to let it out.

I plopped down next to one of the trip leaders, Blake. “Blake,” I said, “I’d really like for you to pray for me. Is that alright?”

Blake looked me up and down with a quizzical eye and then asked, “Yeah, sure. What’s up, T?”

“Blake, this rappel was supposed to be the highest of highs for these boys. I busted my butt getting over here to set up the rappel ahead of the group because I expected this would wow their socks off. Now look at them!”

He glanced over at the boys as one of them made a half-hearted attempt to swat at a fly that was circling near his open mouth. “They seem a bit tired,” Blake commented.

“This whole situation is demolishing their expectations for the trip and it’s making me really anxious.”

 “Well, how about I pray for you, Tyler?” Blake asked.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

As Blake spoke with God about my attitude, I began to relax and let go of my anxieties. After Blake finished he turned to me with a serious look in his eye. “You’re right that these fellahs are tired,” he said, “but this is still a good thing we’re doing. They’re going to be pleased that we did the rappel.” He paused as if weighing his words and then spoke. “Tyler, have you noticed how much your expectations of this trip control your attitude?”

I asked him to explain further. “Well,” he said, “You complained that this was not living up to the boys’ expectations. I don’t really think that’s true. They didn’t have any expectations of this rappel and for that reason I think they’re enjoying it no matter how tired they look. I think all of the expectations are coming from you and those expectations are killing this moment for you.”

I nodded slowly. “I think I see where you’re going with this, but keep talking.”

“Expectations aren’t always bad, Tyler, but they can be murderous when misapplied. I struggled with the same stuff when I was your age. I had very steep expectations for my life. I expected a lot out of God, my friends, and myself. When my experience didn’t fit those expectations I got pretty down, but that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was when something actually went as well as I expected it to, I wasn’t surprised or pleased: I merely felt like the outcome was “just okay” because it was what I expected anyway. Do you see what I mean?”

I nodded silently.

“Don’t hear me wrong here, Leach: expectations are important. Without basic expectations in my life, I don’t have a framework for getting what I need. But some of the finest times in life are destroyed because either they just barely reach our ridiculous expectations or we’re too put off about the things that didn’t happen to love those that did.”

There was a long, full stillness as I absorbed what Blake was teaching me. I watched Daniel methodically managing the ropes as I reminisced about several moments in recent memory where I felt similar to this experience with the rappel.

Blake punched me in the shoulder. “So knock it off, Leach! Ditch the expectations and be open to whatever God is choosing to give right now!”

I grinned as I stood up to go give Daniel a break as rappel facilitator. “You are a wise man, Blake. Maybe you should live at the top of this mountain in a tiny hut and tell young pilgrims the same things you just told me.”

“Whatever,” Blake grinned.

Blake is really onto something. Expectations can destroy great experiences. The mountains also have a tendency to destroy expectations. One of the young men on that trip called the mountain “The Great Equalizer” and I think he was wise to do so. When we claw and scrabble our way up the mountain’s rocky, snowy heights, we cannot keep our composure. One cannot stay on one’s own two feet when facing the mountain. It brings you to your hands and knees. The mountain must be faced on its own terms.

Similarly, when I come to the mountain, I must allow my expectations to slip away or the mountain will break them. The sun will not always shine. The ground may not always be firm. The people I am with will certainly offer challenges. But the mountain has more to offer than sunshine and easy relationships if I am humble enough to release my expectations and simply love what God gives.

 Tyler Leach